We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
