I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
