only if we run a train.
done.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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