I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
