Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Too much gin, very little bucket
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
