I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
