A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
