It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
