I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
