In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
