I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
