Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
