Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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