Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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