I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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