You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize