i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
