My room smells like vodka and shame
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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