just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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