Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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