Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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