So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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