@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
