Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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