margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
