I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
