p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm passing your future prison.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
