Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
