Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
