Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
