Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
