the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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