so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
