Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
