you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
