Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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