i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
