True but thats because hes a fetus.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize