Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
