i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
