My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
