I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
