I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
