Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
