So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
