So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
