I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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