Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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