i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
