my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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