i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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