Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
