I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
