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ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
