he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
