i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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