He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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