drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
