Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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