Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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