You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
