Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
