I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
