He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize