Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
