so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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