i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
