So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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