So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
