It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
