Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
farters have to be the big spoon...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize