Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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