fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
