I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
