Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
