Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
