Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
