This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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