you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
