you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
