I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
