I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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