Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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