I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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