I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you never un-have a 4some
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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