My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
