My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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