shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
