god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
