I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
