Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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