Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
