i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
whose parrot is this?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
