Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
