I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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