I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
