you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Randomize
