bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
