you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
