Don't you send me to vm
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
