Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
two words: eviction party
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
