I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
