Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
