There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
