apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
