The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
