I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
