I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
