Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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