i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
