Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
vagina is talking i cant
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
