if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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