ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
