you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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